.sara the troubled teen.

last night while clearing out an old dresser that my brother and i had been using to store random crap, i came across my journal from 8th grade. i remember when i got it, someone told me, "years from now, you'll love reading that journal and remembering what you were like." oh, how wrong they were. this journal was written in the heyday of my poor-tragic-me, wannabe rebel, wear-flannel-and-listen-to-nirvana days. i winced the whole time i was reading this. and, since i am nothing if not generous, i thought i'd share the pain with y'all.

this isn't edited, except a couple of passages where i discussed aspects of other people's private lives that i consider way too private to put on my webpage. a few names are blanked out, mostly when i'm talking shit about people. :) aside from that, it's all the same. yes, i was this lame. yes, i was this much of a loser. yes, i was obsessed with green day. what can i say? nobody's perfect. especially not when they're in junior high.

[my comments and explanations are in brackets]

Mar. 6, 1994
Well, poop on me and call me stinky. I never thought this would happen.
It's a long story, so here's the beginning: Last night I spent the night at my friend Dorothy's house. We went and saw My Girl 2. IT SUCKED!!! But! Then today, guess who called? JOSH POOL!!! [a very, very strange guy I had been in life science class with the year before, best known for severing and keeping the feet of the frog we dissected] He apparently moved to Fort Stockton. It wuz SO GOOD to hear from him, he being a good, old friend. I got his number here-- XXX-XXXX-- and his number in Fort Stockton-- (XXX)XXX-XXXX. I'm so glad, 'cuz he was a great friend & I hated losing touch with him. Groovy.
That's all for now, dude. More tomorrow.

Mar. 10, 1994
Today was Thursday, the last day of school before spring break. After school, (no tutorial) I went to The Rage and got my hair cut chin-length and redyed. I like it. Then I went to the mall tonite to see 8 Seconds with Dorothy. Nick, Vanessa, and Brandie [my brother, his little girlfriend at the time, and one of her friends, I think] were there to see Reality Bites. God! Vanessa is SO UGLY! Dorothy said so too so it's not just me.
Well, enough about that. I like Matt [guy in my science class-- he had been kept back twice and was therefore older and a good-for-nothing skank, two qualities I had a hard time resisting back then] SO much. I just can't shake this crush. Is that good or bad? I can't tell. Yet.
All for now! (What a life!!) (NOT!) See ya!

Mar. 14, 1994
Hey, Nick, if you're reading this, your girlfriend is still ugly!
That out of the way, I am SO MAD at Josh Pool! [and just think how the frog felt!] Last night he called and told me he was in town again and that today he, Nicole [a deranged girl who spun stories about owning a herd of deranged pit bulls, and has since gone into the business of breaking up otherwise happy couples], and Marjorie (possibly) were going to the mall, and did I want to come? Of course, I said yes. So he told me to call today at noon (12:00) to get the details. And guess what? He gave me the wrong number! The bastardly little asshole! Well, I WILL get through to him. More when I do.
cont; Mar. 14
Well, thank God! Dad had Josh's real number. He didn't even realize he'd given me the wrong number.
Well, now I'll tell some of what happened this weekend. On Friday (Rodeo Day-- no school) Mom took myself and Nick to the carnival. We rode a few rides. Then, at 3:00, I met Dorothy and we went off together. We rode a few rides, i.e. Falling Star, Arctic Express, Tilt-a-Whirl, etc. Then she persuaded me to go on the Zipper. This ride is like little cages that just spin upside down etc. on a ferris-wheel-esque dealie. I hated it. I was in terror! Then we went on the Machine. After that, we left. (Note: I saw the FINEST GUY on the Machine!!!) While I was there, I saw Corey [a totally unremarkable metalhead who I was convinced would be the love of my life] standing near the falling star and also saw Matt in the petting zoo. (He rules!) On Sunday I went again w/ Dad, Dawn, & Nick. It was cool, until I realized my pad wuz leaking. I was so humiliated! And in my good Levi's, too! Oh well...
All for now. I'm going to the mall w/ Josh and everybody so I'm sure I'll have more later. [apparently not]

[i must warn you, what follows is perhaps the most horrifying entry in the whole journal: inspired by the film the piano, i start waxing all sentimental and philosophical. i sound like kaia from the real world. needless to say, it ain't pretty.]
Mar. 18, 94
Tonight Dad and I went to see "The Piano". It was, like, SO AMAZING!! It was unbelievable. It made me remember all the people like that, that just knock the wind out of you, metaphorically. [*snicker* cause the people who knock the wind out of you literally are a whole other story] The two main ones were Billy [a boy i'd gone out with briefly at camp the year before. after a week of dating him, i hated his guts, but as soon as i was back home i decided i had loved him madly and that it had been a tragic love affair.] & Neil [apparently, neil didn't knock too much wind out of me metaphorically or otherwise, because now i can't remember who he was]. Neil who was so amazing but I'll never have him. And Billy-- how could I describe Billy? He burned a path through my life and I'm just trying to follow it. [no, i have no fucking idea what i was talking about, either.]
But anyway, it was a really good movie.

oh, there's more...