sometimes i feel like this webpage is... not a facade, but an evasion. there is nothing on here that isn't representative of me in real life, and i try not to gloss over my flaws here. but, as is the case with almost any personal page, the blowing kisses into thin air version of sara is a persona, a caricature of the everyday, real sara. i'm not complaining, i like being able to indulge my inner fearless smartass. but right now, i'm feeling very melancholy, which tends to make me communicative, and i want to give people some idea of who i really am.
i'm a wuss. unless somebody has pissed me off to an extreme, i will let them get away with anything-- and if they have pissed me off to an extreme, i lose my temper in a spectacular, yelling, screaming, unforgivable-things-saying, property-damage-causing way. i am a snob. i am an elitist. i don't like children unless they're related to me, and even then it takes a herculean effort to be patient with them, which is amusing, considering my family's perception of me as being such a good-with-kids maternal type who will marry and start spewing out babies before any of my siblings do. i am extremely anxious, to the point of obsessions, compulsions, and wierd moments of panic that i can't explain. i am a straight female overwhelmingly attracted to gay males (not exclusively, but a bit too frequently for it to be a cute *fag hag* thing, which makes me think it's a fear of intimacy thing.) i hardly trust anyone. when i'm drunk, i tend to engage in sex acts that i don't really want to do out of fear that i've been "leading on" the guy in question. i use people. i hurt people. i ignore people. i turn a blind eye and let people suffer. i am afraid of a lot of things, most of which i won't admit to. i am terrified of people, which i cover up by being sarcastic, mean, flirty, or supercilious, whichever i think will pound the person in question into submission the fastest. i am lonely. i am angry. i am materialistic. i think i may be pregnant and if i am i'm having an abortion. i think i may be a problem drinker and i don't care. i am so very, very afraid of being alone, and i see no evidence that i won't be in the end. now you know me.