13 august 1999
first of all, everybody out there has to go buy the afghan whigs album "gentlemen". i've had it for
awhile but i never really listened to it till the other day, and i've had it on repeat play since. it. is. fucking.
amazing. a few of my favorite snippets of lyrics:
"feel it now and don't resist
this time the anger's better than the kiss"
"you think i'm scared of girls,
well maybe, but i'm not afraid of you"
lovely, lovely album.
a lot of little things happened: step-cousins are visiting, had an unfortunate encounter with a former friend that made me realize all over
again how glad i am that that particular friendship is over-- i'll just say, manipulative self-obsessed users do not good friends make...
overheard at the library today: "he got me a ring for like $35... i ended up pawning it two months later to buy cigarettes."
more star wars shopping yesterday. among other things, i got the maul spin pop and the nute gunray action figure, both so steeped in
masturbatory overtones it's almost shocking. (look at nute gunray's hands... look at nute gunray's hands...)
very tired now. must sleeeep!
10 august 1999
boring day, shit mood. going to try to work on a story, just wanted to make my daily
entry. brrrrrrrr.
9 august 1999
woohoo! i got paid today! of course, i celebrated my return to solvency by shopping... got some shoes (but i was a very very good girl, i resisted the
temptation to get more spike heels and got a pair of sensible [well, you know, by my standards] pair of platforms) and then i went to toys r us for star wars stuff. i got something called a
"jabba glob"... basically a big rubber jabba that drools goo. as the package says, "jabba the hutt is oozing with fun!" *snicker* and i got a few action figures. i really wanted the coruscant amidala, but i
couldn't find one on the rack, so i just grabbed the naboo version. then i was pestering a salesboy to find me an amidala inflatable chair... he couldn't dig one up, but he *did* find the coruscant amidala figure in
the stockroom!! awww, yeah.
let's see, what else... the family is back. my days of wine and roses (well, more like days of sauteed mushrooms and ice cream at 4 a.m.) are over.
i've spent the last few days listening to a nonstop loop of depeche mode's album some great reward. when i was like 4 years old, my mom had that album, and she used to play it constantly, so listening to it is like
a wierd nostalgia trip. i had the damn album memorized when i was in kindergarten! even though i really didn't get the song "master and servant" back then. it's kind of starting to depress me, though. especially the song "somebody", i'm all,
"*i* want somebody to share the rest of my life! somebody who will put there arms around me and kiss me tenderly! *sniffle*" and i don't even, really, at the moment. i'm just a sap.
8 august 1999
my family is coming back from arkansas today. they were visiting my grandmother, but i couldn't go because
of work, so i got the house to myself for a week. which was really, really nice. i love my family, but being crammed into an
apartment with four other people, two of whom are loud, usually screaming, babies, wears my nerves down to nothing. it's good to have a break.
plus, i'm a pretty solitary person. it's not that i don't need human contact, i do, but i also really, really need time to myself, time when i can
hear myself think and can do what i want without having to worry about accomodating everyone else. and that is not something readily available in my house. i wonder how much
of my insomnia is related to this: i mean, 1:00 a.m. is just about the only time i can be totally alone, everybody else is in bed, i don't have my dad banging on my door and bursting
in to tell me some stupid joke, i don't have babies shrieking in the next room... i feel bad about this, but i really like having them not around. antisocial bitch sara, LOL.
my paycheck was late, again. if i don't get it monday, i am in deep poodoo... i spent like $140 on phantom menace crap last week, and now i can barely afford cigarettes. being broke,
bleagh. on the upside, i now have, among other things, a lovely life-size darth maul stand-up. i keep freaking myself out-- every time i wake up, i see out of the corner of my eye somebody standing by my
bookcase!!!!!! and then i realize it's the damn stand-up and feel like a dumbass... hey, i'm not too bright (or cheerful... or friendly... or fun to be around...) first thing in the morning.
the blair witch project is finally showing here in podunkville. might go see it later. will be pissed if it doesn't scare me cross-eyed.