.livin' la vida dumbass.

i'm mixed: part anglo, part mexican. i've always known this and always been proud of my heritage. but being multiethnic isn't all roses and lollipops and "free your mind" commercials on mtv. i look white- i'm bleached-blonde and freckly and green-eyed- so i've never had racism directed at me from the outside world, which is something i am profoundly grateful for. but i do catch shit from some of my white family members, and other white people who get close to me. once, my dad & stepfather took my brother and i to visit her grandparents. the second night of our stay, they went into a rant about how whenever mexicans move into a town, they ruin it. it was a bad situation: it was obvious that they didn't know about my brother's and my heritage, and i didn't know if we'd still be welcome in their house if they found out. i was afraid to speak up, and i hated myself for keeping quiet afterwards.

my stepmother and dad have two babies. i love them, and think of them as my brother and sister, not my half-siblings. but i know that, growing up in a household where mexican-bashing is allowed and even celebrated, which it is- they may very well grow up with a prejudice that will drive a wedge between us. not by my choosing, by theirs. that scares me, and it hurts me that my father & stepmother don't care enough about my relationship to my siblings- or about me- to curb their racial slurs.

i've recieved so much contempt from some of my all-anglo family members- i've been told things like, "i don't agree with interracial relationships... though then again, if it weren't for them, we wouldn't have you!" oh, thanks. my dark-haired, olive-skinned, blue-eyed brother was once told he'd look "funny" with brown eyes. when he replied, "naw, i'd just look really mexican," the response he got was: "exactly." once, one of my anglo relatives told my mexican grandfather a "funny story" about "wetbacks".

but racial stupidity isn't just for family! once, i was at ihop with a former friend, and a gloria estefan song came on. i was like, "ew, i hate this song." so she went on a tear about how i didn't like gloria estefan or ricky martin, and that made me so ignorant of latin culture, which was "really ironic... considering." oh, okay. first of all, gloria and ricky are cuban and puerto rican, respectively. i am mexican. not every latin american country is that same place, believe it or not. that's like telling a french person that they don't know their culture because they don't like rammstein. and second, there's actually more to latin culture than two crappy pop singers. no, really!

i'm not trying to be like, *"oh pity me, i'm so persecuted!" hand-->staple-->forehead* what i'm saying is, 1)it is not cool to bitch about any ethnic group ever, but if basic morality won't dissuade you, consider the fact that the pale blonde you're whining about mexicans to might be part mexican, and 2)most of the people in the stories above are the same people who launch into apropos-of-nothing self-congratulatory speeches about how nonracist they are. if you really are completely without prejudice (though i'm not sure anybody is 100%), then good for you, but calling someone a wetback and then being like "oh, i didn't mean anything by it, you know how i feel about racism" just does not cut it. i realize i sound self-righteous and horrid right now, but i'm just saying-- check yourself. i do.