Dreams I was at home, getting ready to go to my waitressing job, when the phone rang. I picked it up and it was J. He said he was coming to see me that night. Then a letter from B came. He was going to be on a television show that night, that was filming in my town. After filming, he wanted to come to see me, too. I knew I could only see one of them, and I couldn't decide who.

My room was empty except for a picnic table and a bed. When I came home from work that evening, my brother was lying in the bed and my family, my friends, and some people I didn't know who said they were mill workers, were all at the table. I was pissed off at my brother, and told him to get out of the bed, but he said he was sick and he couldn't stand up, so I got him some Tylenol and let him stay there. A minute later, the doorbell rang. I went to answer it, and it was J.

He was wearing a puffy coat, like all the g-dogs wear, and he picked me up and spun me around and kissed me. I was so happy to see him, I was almost crying. He said something about how we should get married that night, and I was like, "Yes, yes, whatever you want."

We went inside for a minute, into my bedroom, where everyone was still hanging out. They all started making conversation with him, and the subject got around to sexual orientation, and he very nonchalantly said, "Yeah, it's not easy being a gay man today." And I thought: He doesn't care about me after all. I wanted to cry but I couldn't in front of him, so I just told him I'd talk to him later, and when he left I went to bed.