cosmo girl

.cosmo girl.

okay, is cosmopolitan magazine not the greatest thing ever?

yeah, yeah, it features fashion spreads with stick-thin models in $3,000 prada tops. yeah, it assumes that all women are complete, chronic bed-hoppers. yeah, it's trashy, sensationalistic, and completely without redeeming qualities. and those are just my favorite parts!

i really only have one beef with cosmopolitan: the lame-ass captions they insist on putting on all their illustrations. like, there'll be an article on stds, and under the photo of the worried-looking model in her undies, it'll say, like, "down-there scare: did he slap you with the clap?" yes, yes, you've mastered the operation of a rhyming dictionary. good for you!

however, that sin aside (and it is a grievous one) cosmo is the bomb. it's nasty, it's funny, and for super-light reading, it's the treat that can't be beat.

if you've already read this month's cosmo and need further entertainment, there are only two other women's magazines even worthy of consideration: glamour and marie claire. vogue is too hoity-toity, and there's hardly any articles, except for, like, in-depth exposes of "teen fashion tribes" ("goths wear lots of black!" no! really!?! thanks for the tip!). allure is to makeup as vogue is to fashion: the whole magazine is about, like, new mascaras, and then there'll be one article about voyeurs or whatever. jane is just obnoxious: too trashy to be posh fun like harper's bazaar (which *is* fun, but in a totally different way than cosmo et al.), too pretentious to be skanky fun like cosmo, it's just a useless bunch of lame-ass crap. that leaves, then, glamour and marie claire.

glamour has always been badass: it's like cosmo's less promiscous, but just as sex-obsessed, career girl older sister. bonnie fuller (the former editor of cosmo, the one who steered it into it's current depths of scandalousness) just took over editorship, too, which means we can expect good things. And marie claire... well, if glamour is the good older sister, marie claire is the scandal-obsessed little sister, who tries to ape cosmo's insouciant wickedness, but only manages to be disgustingly sensationalistic, in an "it-happened-to-me" way. and that's a good thing!

unless you're lucky enough to live in europe, where you can get the british edition of new woman (I know the american version sucks, but british nw is basically just like cosmo, only genuinely witty- it is, perhaps, the perfect magazine) the three aforementioned trash-fests are the best light reading you're going to get. so pour yourself a cocktail, put your feet up, and dig into the latest articles about "5 second sex secrets!" Aww, yeah, dog.

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